If you know me, you know I drop the F bomb a lot. But I’m not talking about that word.
Today’s word, or really, rather 2019’s word is FEAR.
I’m a person who believes in patterns and repetition. As I grow, I’m learning that just because there is a pattern doesn’t make it something good, it could also stand for something bad.
But in this case, I had been resonating, searching deeply within my psyche on what it is that I’m ready to release and tackle in the new year. What one word can I focus on. What questions can I ask myself to guide me to a better and deeper understanding of that word. And ultimately, how can I disarm it. Take away it’s power. And how can I do that without compromising who I am and what I stand for and truly what I believe in.
The word fear has been popping up a lot lately and has put me in some pretty paralyzing situations where my lack of breakthrough has left me feeling unresolved when it comes to certain relationships, emotions, or scenarios.
I found myself looking back and asking “what if” way too much in 2018. And I do not want to carry that into the new year.
By definition the word Fear means:
- an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
- be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.
So you can feel fear, and you can be fearful.
Some things I’m sure you can relate to being afraid of:
Bugs! Roaches are my worst enemy. Ask Sydney, whenever I come in contact with one, I don’t know how to handle myself and I basically make her or anyone nearby take care of the creature.
Heights, this is a pretty common one. I don’t mind being UP high, like I can handle being on the 75th floor of a building. But skydiving, bungee jumping, mountain biking, climbing, those are v scary thoughts to me. I want to know that I am grounded or capable of being near the ground, or i’m out!
Flying, kind of hand and hand with my fear of heights. The idea that I’m trapped in a metal tube being thrust through the sky by propellers is just still mind boggling. And as someone who used to travel every other weekend of the year, I spent a lot of time facing this fear in particular. It still freaks me out.
Some of my more intimate fears:
Being alone forever, or finding love but it not lasting. I’m grateful that I have parents who are married and together and love each other, they’re a great example of love. But for some reason, the older I get, the more I put the pressure on myself to find my partner and begin that chapter of my life. I know there is no specific timeline for any one person. But thanks to social media, movies, music and just really any type of content, the expectation is to find someone to love you, and find them fast.
That goes hand in hand with my fear of time. I like to think that I AM making the most of my time on the earth. But I am mainly afraid of the timeline. It’s like I’m ok as long as I think I’m not falling behind. But what is this idea of falling behind. Some people graduate, get married, and become stay at home moms. And some people graduate, get jobs, travel a lot, and fall in love with being single.
The truth is neither are incomplete. None of these fears are unique to me, I know that. But I do think it helps sharing what I am afraid of in the hopes that it shows you that your fears are not irrational. They’re truly impactful things. Ok maybe not the bug thing. But I’m afraid of flying because falling means death. I’m afraid of not finding love because that means I will be lonely at times. And I’m afraid of time because I can’t get it back.
This post isn’t meant to be prophetic, it’s just meant to be an exercise for me, from me, to you, to myself. That this is how I felt at this point in time. And that it’s okay to be afraid. But it’s not okay to let that fear paralyze you.
So that is the intention of choosing one word to focus on disarming in 2019. It may take me a month, 10 months, the next 5 years or my whole lifetime. But I do believe in consistent small movements is what brings about the biggest change. Be more mindful of the word fear in your own lives.
What is holding you back? Why is it holding you back? What are the consequences if you let fear win? What are the consequences if you conquer it? Every scenario is going to bring new challenges, but you’re going to overcome them. I know you will. Hold your head up high, and start small.
Every day spend time focusing on the word fear. Breathe life into it, and then remember it is a temporary feeling.
What would you do if you were not afraid?